New airline security rules
In the light of growing hysteria following the failed suicide bombing of a flight to Detroit, which since the auto industry folded looks like something of a bomb crater itself, the government is issuing new guidelines to make sure no more terrorists board planes with plastic explosives taped to their legs despite having been turned in by their fathers months beforehand.
From now on all male passengers will have to roll up their pants above the knees and not allow the trouser to bunch up around the testicles. They should have that tight faced taut cheeked muscle expression that comes to men fearing that their testicles might be nudged.
You must pass airport security with your cheeks sucked in, demonstrating that there is probably nothing more dangerous in your mouth than a sharp tongue and some teeth. It is difficult to use both the Levator labii superioris muscles to raise the cheeks and the masseter muscle to suck them in at the same time. Anyone complaining will be asked to hop slowly on one leg for 30 seconds.